I have mixed feelings about Kenny. Very strong mixed feelings. My feelings for him border between pissed off and in love. Even though he has stomped on my heart numerous times, I am still drawn to him for some insane reason. Maybe its his boyish good looks. Maybe its his nipple piercings and tats (hot!), or maybe its just his trippy personality. Its trips me out how in-tune we can be with one-another. And that deep (instantly achieved) connection is what initially fascinated me about him. He claims that what drew me to him was my Lindsay-Lohan-like looks, but I would beg to differ. I think it’s the fact that the first night I met him I had an 8-ball in my pocket! So, needless to say, partying together is something we do every time we get together. In fact I don’t think we’ve ever been together sober. We pledge to do it, but we always seem to steer eachother towards the swilling of Sailor Jerry and the lining out of a certain white substance.
And course when you do blow, you’ve gotta have sex while on it, because its so fucking amazing. The way I feel when he touches me, I don’t know if the sensation is heightened by the drugs or is it just him?! We are both very sensual people, and although I can be somewhat shy at times, with him I am completely free, relaxed, and willing. He makes me feel comfortable with myself and happy and carefree. He makes me laugh and we can talk for hours on end. This is opposite of how I feel with Sean. Sean’s serious, gloomy attitude can bring me down, and when we talk its usually him talking about his crappy life and me listening. But with Kenny, he focuses more on the positive, and seems to have a good attitude no matter what.
So, you are probably thinking, okay, amazing sex, good connection, cool personality- whats the problem? The problem is that he screws with me. And I fall for it- I allow myself to be taken in by him, which just opens me up for hurt. He comes in and out of my life at random- no explanation- no word- no nothing. Just one day he will call me out of the blue and the next he will be gone. The man has a knack for disappearing- but I always let him back in because the highs are worth getting through the lows. Despite some seriously deviant crap he has pulled on me- when we hang out (whenever that happens to be!), we talk about how much fun we would have if we were together. And we would- our time together would be amazing- but there are 3 big problems: his flakiness, his cheating nature, and he doesn’t want any more kids. Since I don’t see any of those factors changing, I don’t think it would ever work out for us. But nonetheless, he remians a part of my life- that is, until he is gone again.
And course when you do blow, you’ve gotta have sex while on it, because its so fucking amazing. The way I feel when he touches me, I don’t know if the sensation is heightened by the drugs or is it just him?! We are both very sensual people, and although I can be somewhat shy at times, with him I am completely free, relaxed, and willing. He makes me feel comfortable with myself and happy and carefree. He makes me laugh and we can talk for hours on end. This is opposite of how I feel with Sean. Sean’s serious, gloomy attitude can bring me down, and when we talk its usually him talking about his crappy life and me listening. But with Kenny, he focuses more on the positive, and seems to have a good attitude no matter what.
So, you are probably thinking, okay, amazing sex, good connection, cool personality- whats the problem? The problem is that he screws with me. And I fall for it- I allow myself to be taken in by him, which just opens me up for hurt. He comes in and out of my life at random- no explanation- no word- no nothing. Just one day he will call me out of the blue and the next he will be gone. The man has a knack for disappearing- but I always let him back in because the highs are worth getting through the lows. Despite some seriously deviant crap he has pulled on me- when we hang out (whenever that happens to be!), we talk about how much fun we would have if we were together. And we would- our time together would be amazing- but there are 3 big problems: his flakiness, his cheating nature, and he doesn’t want any more kids. Since I don’t see any of those factors changing, I don’t think it would ever work out for us. But nonetheless, he remians a part of my life- that is, until he is gone again.
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