Kinky fun with Neighbor Boy

Alright so I've realized that lately I've been blogging too much about relationships and emotional crap and not enough about the other reason I love dating- S-E-X!!! God its so perfect with Steven. Its super hot and intimate at the same time. Plus hes totally into me, thinks I damn sexy, and wants to do it all the time! He's got that young-20s sex drive hell yeah! Every night we spend together we do it at least once and then in the morning also. I've never been all that down with morning sex- but with him Im totally comfortable I don't care I just go for it! And he loves it :).

Anyways he's got a bit of a wild streak in him, its fun! Last weekend at a party, we rode out on the 4 wheeler to a viewpoint over the lake and it was so beautiful we were just standing there looking and talking and kissing. I could tell he was getting antsy...we had just passed out the night before...he even picked me up with my legs wrapped around his waist ya know? So cute. Suddendly he grabbed my hand and said, "lets go up there", and took me up on a little hill and just layed me down in the grass and took my pants off and we just did it right there on the ground in the open in broad daylight! It was fun and spontaneous and kinky!

Then the next night we went out to the lodge where he house-sits sometimes. Amazing house, killer spot, I would love to have it (or just have a party there!). Anyways when we got there he gave me the grand tour and was very excited to show me the steam double-head shower! So...feeling a little frisky myself...I decided to show him a good time! We stripped down and hopped in and turned on the nice hot steam jet and both shower heads. It started out with us just hugging and holding and stroking eachother. Then we washed eachother down with body wash...man it feels so good to have someone wash you with that stuff! Your skin gets all clean and slippery and when you rub bare skin on bare skin with a layer of slippery soap inbetween, oooh its one of the best feelings in the world :). Then, it got pretty hot in there, we got steamed up, and of course started going at it. He sat on the bench and kept trying to get me to climb on top of him sitting up, but I was afraid of slipping off and cracking my skull on the tile! So we tried a few other positions. I sat on his lap backwards, then we tried standing up (but too much height difference between us), then moved to doggystyle with me bent over holding onto the wall. God damn that was hot! he was pounding me hard and I had to put my hand on the wall to pad my head! At one point I looked down and saw his muscular legs (I love his legs!) planted behind me, supporting his movements of fucking me, and it was so amazing I guess I understand where guys get off on the visual. Then we took a breather and I went down on him. Tried my best to let him have the full-on view of my boobs with water tricking down them and my lips and hands working on him. I got all hot- the steam spout was right on me! Then he finally didnt give me a choice about sitting on his lap on the bench, he just pulled me onto him (God I love it when they take control like that!). He held onto to me to make sure i didnt go flying off. I had to hold his head so it didnt bang into the tile wall! God it was hot, we were grinding on eachother hard...the build up was so drawn out...and the steam, and his hotness, and the griding action, and his strong arms holding me...it was just too much! I came so hard!! I swear it lasted for like 2 mins straight and I was in exctasy the whole time! It was amazing!!! Then I just stood back and watched him under the hot water, checked out his smokin hot bod and beautiful face, he looked like one of the Baldwin brothers- only hotter!!! Goddamn what a gorgeous hunk of man meat! And he wants me just as much as I want him!!! :)

I'm a double dipper!!!

God I am such an idiot!!! Steven (aka Neighbor Boy) is absolutely amazing and wonderful and sweet and hot and fun and totally digs me and I did the one thing that is his greatest fear! I double dipped!! With Ryan!!! AHHH WTF am I doing?!?!? You dumbass!!! you are going to fuck it all up! I mean, are you so afraid of commitment that you purposley fuck shit up? Do you think you don’t deserve happiness or what?!? Even tho we arent officially together yet, he doesn’t deserve me to do this to him!

How it happened…I could tell Ryan had been feeling badly about ditching out on my bday and he was surprised I still wanted to be his friend. He called me last night after work and asked me to come meet him at the bar (LOL 3rd night in a row at that bar). We had a few drinks with some of his co-workers and boss and then he invited me back to his place. He sat down on the couch and I went and cuddled up next to him. He told me I shouldn’t do that very long because it would make him horny LOL! Well I did it anyway. I kissed him (ARG!) and one thing led to another and pretty soon he picked me up and carried me to his bed :)

So, that was BAD but one good thing did come out of the night- we actually had a great talk. He apologized about my bday and said he had been feeling bad about it and explained further about his situation. I told him I understand his situation and that I like him a lot and would be willing to wait if I felt there was hope, but that my hope was quickly diminishing. He just doesn’t have anything to give back right now, and I don't think I can do that, despite how much I like him.

BTW- his friend thinks he does like me and sees we have a connection :)

Anyways….we had a great talk and he spoke his peace and I spoke mine and I took a deep breath and told him about Steven. I told him I would like to wait for you but not if Im getting anything back at all and I met a guy who totally digs me and wants to be with me, so I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid he would feel like I was putting him on the spot or giving some sort of ultimatum, so I wrote this email to him…..

Ok we are bad!!! :) But hey I just wanted to let you know that last night when I told you about this other guy I wasn’t trying to give you an ultimatum or anything like that. I just thought you should know. I understand where you are coming from with your situation and I cant say Im not dissapointed but also I am not going to let that stop me from getting to know a guy who really digs me. If things work out between us down the road, that’s awesome, but if not Im fine with that too. Whatever happens is meant to happen. As long as you are in my life in some way I will be happy :) ok?

and here is his reply…..

Yes this i know! That is the coolest thing you have said and not trying to put that into jerk format either! Thanks for understanding were i am in my life and don't be afraid to move on. I will still be your friend your a cool girl but like we mentioned last nite i have commitment issues right now. So lets get Fost in the Lifties hell yeah! Its going to be a nice day outside and i'm pumped for a 3 some J/K lol!! Have a good day and will talk to ya later.

After we did it I went home and went to bed. I really wanted to see Steven but I felt so nasty thinking about doing two guys a matter of hours apart (been there- don’t want to do again!). Plus I just couldn’t do that to Steven. But he ended up calling me after he got home from the bar around 1am. He came over and we talked for a bit then passed out. It was soooo weird tho he brought up the whole double-dipping thing! God is amazingly perceptive and "just knew" or was it coincedence? Either way it made me feel like a giant piece of crap. I lied to him in 3 ways. I told him I havent double dipped and wont double dip and won't lie to him about double dipping if he asks me. He flat out asked me if I have! FUCK! I knew that was a bad decision but I did it anyway….but the sad thing is I like Steven ALOT and I don’t like Ryan enough to throw away what I have with Steven for one night of (so so) sex.

So, TripleSGirl, let this be lesson learned and stay true to yourself and your man and give him what he deserves because I'm thinking if I play it right this could be really good!!!
BIG potential problem tho….I kinda sorta told Ryan I would hang with him tonight for the festivities and then also asked Steven. FUCK. Ryan knows Steven will be there, he even said he would probably see me with another guy and get jealous and decide he wants me (I almost hope that happens, ya Im a sicko, its not that I invite drama but I have to admit I want two hot cool guys chasing after me!). But Steven has absolutely no idea about Ryan and I think it would hurt his feelings to know it was THE Ryan so I might have to either ditch Ryan or keep it on the DL thats who he is. This could get interesting. DUMBASS!!!

Steven

Ok so I always say I'm not getting my hopes up in order to protect myself, but in this case, fuck it! I am going to be straight up about what exactly I'm feeling. No risk no reward! Maybe I should let my guard down and let myself get excited because I cannot believe this is happening to me!!! Can it really be true? Can it really be this good? Is this for real?!?!

Steven….WOW. Amazing man. Gorgeous. Super hot. Such a sweetheart. Honest and open. Fun. Spontaneous. Smart. Mature for his age. Romantic. And…the kicker….TOTALLY into me. He thinks I'm hot, sweet, and beautiful. And he always tells me. He loves to cuddle with me and say sweet things to me and do things for me. I feel so comfortable around him. I feel like we've known eachother for months or even years. I think about him constantly. We can't keep our hands off eachother. He is amazing in bed. Sexy as hell. Actually wants a girlfriend. And…he thinks he's the lucky one!!!

We met officially and hooked up on my birthday, but we met (unoffically) a couple years ago on my first new years back in town. I was slightly intoxicated and thus said things I wouldn’t normally say. I was talking to him and I thought he was so gorgeous (tall dark n handsome, amazing eyes, birthmark on his beautiful face), I kept telling him "you should be a model". (LOL now it’s a joke between us). I met him a couple times after that, at the bar or people's houses. And, he just happens to be really good friends with my best friends husband's friend, so we have the same group of friends, and we are even neighbors, we just never actually connected until recently. I guess I was judging the book by its cover, I thought that he would be a total cocky asshole. Nonetheless I've thought about him since the day I first met him and always thought how hot he was but never thought he would give me the time of day. And the fact that he is such a sweetheart who totally digs me and thinks Im hot and he's the lucky one- it cant be happening!!! So amazing!!! Could this really be happening for me???

More to follow….I must blog about our sexual adventures…

Crazy birthday weekend

This weekend was my birthday! Its a time I usually enjoy (although not quite the part about being a year older), but this weekend was just crazy with all the happenings! Its amazing how things can change at the drop of a hat. I went into the weekend thinking and feeling one way, and came of it thinking and feeling something completely different.

As usual, the drama of this weekend was due to man crap. I had a feeling that Ryan was going to ditch out on me for my birthday celebration. And even though I was prepared for it, and half expected it to happen, it still stung when I rcvd the message (a text of all things) saying he wasnt going to make it.

I know I can't force him into anything, or get pissed at him when he doesnt do what i want. So in that way I can see his point of view of not liking that i was giving him a guilt trip about not being there. But, I want people in my life who care about me enough to show up for important events. he knew it was important to me and he knew I wanted him there. But he flaked anyway (via text message, at 6pm, after I had called him 2x), stating "well I have shit going on down here" (read: another girl), or "I have shit going on in my life". Its like hes using that as a cop out for everything. Well, thats BS because I fail to see how having crap going on in his life prevents him from picking up the phone at least calling me on my bday. It didnt seem to stop him from partying with his friends all weekend! And if it is another girl, I knew he wanted to see other people, so thats not too shocking, but its upsetting since he was always giving me the speal about how he wasnt ready, and how he doesnt sleep around. Plus, this is exactly what happened with Sean. I knew he might see other girls at the same time but I didnt think ditching me for that other girl would be part of the deal.

So, he basically sent the message loud and clear that he doesnt care about me. He is so selfish...I cut him a lot of slack before and thought he was acting like that because he was going through rough time. And I wanted so badly want to be there for him, and I would have very patientally waited it out and stuck by him, if I only had some indication that eventually he would come to his senses and his selfish phase would end and he would want to start giving something back to me in return. before I felt he was worth the wait. Now, what he has done really hurt my feelings and changed the way i feel about him. Bad news, its still sucks, I still do have feelings for him, I was hoping things would work out in the end, and I cant even make myself feel better by telling him off. I just have to realize he's not that into me- otherwise he would have been there- and now I have to start the healing process for myself.

Ironic thing is....Ryan used to get pissed when I'd tell him about all the jerks from my past. Now he's one of the jerks who I've let hurt me....

The good news is- theres a new boy on the horizon! I can't believe this has all happened so fast, it hasnt even sunk in yet, but maybe Steven came along at just the right time to rescue me from a bad situation that was only breaking my heart. More on "neighbor boy" tomorrow....

Ramblings about Ryan...and Travis...and Derek...

I don’t what to do. On one hand I really like him and I really feel we have a connection and he is worth waiting for. But, how long do I want to wait? And am I waiting for something that isnt going to happen? Its so hard to like somebody and to have your feelings out there but not be getting any acknowledgement back from them. My problem is that I let it get to me, I let what he does affect my feelings. and I know I shouldn’t but its really hard not to because I like him and I want to be with him and that’s just how I feel.

But I cant talk to him about any of this. Ive tried and it just blows up in my face. Hes told me if I need to move on then I should do so. and if that means us not being friends than so be it. Its just, I don’t want to cut him out of my life completely, but if I continue to stay friends (or whatever we are) its going to be on his terms. And I want to stay friends with him, but only if theres hope for us to be together in the future. I know it would be too hard to see him with another girl. So I need to know if Im waiting for something that’s never going to happen. But, Im afraid to ask him that, I think backing him into a corner is the wrong thing to do. and any info he has given me regarding this is so cryptic, I don’t think even he knows how he feels.

Last week he got the call that his baby momma is taking him to court for child support and I know that threw him for a loop so its possible hes just focusing on that right now. He doesn’t seem able to handle more than one emotional situation at a time so maybe ignoring me is just his way of dealing. Its just, I have to decide, am I willing to put up with it without calling him out on it. Its only worth it if theres a payout for me in the end…..which is the big unknown here.

God I cant believe Im a stupid girl obsessing about this, but its just because of what has happened to me in the past I'm really insecure. Im so afraid that Im just gonna keep getting tossed aside over and over again. Is it me? Or is it the guys I pick? Its like, I think I pick these guys because I have a phobia of commitment, but on the other hand, what I want more than anything is the security of knowing you have someone there for you everyday.

This is one thing I don’t think I would ever have to worry about with Travis if we were together. He expresses his feelings for me and has no doubts, and that is the kind of unconditional love and security I need.

Also last night I started thinking about Derek and actually started crying. I guess I didnt realize that I do still have feelings for him until I found out he was getting married. In the back of my mind I always thought we were meant to be together and that we would get back together one day. The fact that he is about to get married to another girl (with the same name even!) and the fact that I will never see him again just makes me sick to my stomach. I guess the truth is I still love him and this has been very hard for me to deal with. I mean, I stood by his side for 4 years, waiting for him to be ready to start a life together, and now he has that happy successful life without me in it :(.

Wanting more

God I've got to stop letting how Ryan acts affect me! We arent dating!! And until we are, my issues need to remain my issues and I cannot project them onto him, or hold him accountable, because it will only freak him out and drive him away. But its hard, because we are in a weird place, and I want so badly for us to be together someday, that it almost feels like we are now. So when he acts weird, and distant, and I don’t see him for a week, I get that crappy feeling in my stomach and I start to wonder whats going on. I start to wonder why guys feel like they can just toss me aside, when something better comes along, or when they don’t need me anymore. It makes me feel so small, so low, so used. Do I mean so little to these people have so little care for me that they can toss me out like yesterday's garbage? I think Ryan has more heart than that, in fact I sense that deep down he has a huge heart and wants to care, but maybe just isnt capable right now. Wow- just realized that’s the same excuse Sean used to give me- that because of the place in his life hes in, hes just doesn’t have anything to give. The thing is, I knew in the back of my mind with Sean we would probably never get there, but I sense something different with Ryan, like we really are meant to be together. I just want so badly for him to come to his senses, for him to wake up one morning and realize how badly he needs me in his life, and for him to take me in his arms and profess his love for me!!! How wonderful and amazing that would be!!! I know I need to be patient, and I am a very patient person, its just hard because I have no idea if there will actually be a reward for my patience. I could "wait" all this time for him to be ready and he may just never be. Or, he will become ready and go to some other girl, and where will that leave me?? Sometimes I wonder if I should just move on…but how can I when I have such strong feelings for him? It wouldn’t be fair to another guy…unless I can just find another boy toy that will only be short term anyway…this could take some of the focus away from Ryan and maybe if he catches wind of it, it will make him jealous, make him want what he cant have, or it could backfire! I just don’t know. All I know is I better get laid on my birthday coming up this weekend and I hope its by him!!!

The more sex you have, the more you want!

As a follower of the zodiac, I read my daily horoscope to look for a little insight into the day ahead. Oddly enough, often those horoscopes reflect my true feelings, even if read at the end of the day they tend to match up with reality. My horoscope from this weekend is no different….

Romance is likely to be very much on your mind today, Sara, though not necessarily in a positive way. A lot of doubts and insecurities could be taking over your psyche. Does a current or potential romantic partner share your feelings or not? Direct communication with the one in question could be premature, so it might be best just to try to remain objective and judge the situation accordingly. In the meantime, take it one day at a time.

This reflects my situation with Ryan exactly. I'm trying not to over-analyze mine or his feelings or over-think the situation because it will cause angst and strife that will trickle down into my actions towards him, and he is a perceptive Cancer, so I cannot let that happen again. (Its happened a couple times, I projected my issues onto him and it did NOT go over well). So, now is not the time to play hard ball, it will only drive him away, I just need to take it real slow with him, as his British friend says. But, I have to conciously make that choice and I have to find the balance between not pressuring him and not letting my feelings be ignored.

But, I do worry about the exact thing my horoscope says. Does he like me? Of course I am becoming head-over-heels for him, but I have a lot of insecurities about how he feels about me because I know he isnt sure. At least not sure enough to want to be with me right now. What I'm confused about is whether his ambivalance towards being in a relationship with me is strictly because of me or because of his life right now. I cant help but feel sometimes that if were over the moon for me, he wouldn’t care what his current life situation was, he would want to be with no matter what. But on the other hand, maybe its good we arent jumping into anything right now, I need some time to improve me and he needs some time to get his head straight. I just hope that "time lag" isnt so long that he permantly places me in the "friend" category- a place I'm not sure you can come back from…..or maybe it’s a good foundation of a relationship?? I just don’t know…I don’t know whats going to happen….I don’t know if things will change….i don’t know if I even want things to change….things arent perfect but we are finding our groove and I kinda like the way things are now…I just realize we cannot stay thia way forever….someday my feelings for him will come to a head- I just pray that byu that time he's come around and realized how perfect we are for eachother!!!

I think we are perfect. Our mutual friend said to me, "oh I know, he's the man of your dreams"…and I kinda laughed it off at the time (I do that, I don’t show my true colors when Im trying to hide my feelings), but really its true.He is, aside from the selfishness (that could just be a result of the mode hes in right now), everthing I could ask for. Tall…blonde…attractive…athletic…outgoing….funny…laid back…sweet…affectionate…caring…smart…honest…good head on his shoulders…similar interestes….good heart…and of course we have am amazing connection to me that is the biggest part. We instantly felt comfortable with each other and have been in contact ever sense…its already been 4 months and it has just flown by.

I hadn't seen much of him for a couple weeks, me was in his mode, but this weekend we hung out quite a bit. We did the Cola again, it was fun but not a great batch, but I didn’t care I was craving it anyway. Bounced around to a couple different people's houses, then ended up going downtown, which was okay but I wasn’t really in the social mood, it was kinda overwhelming me. We had plans to get more beer and go back to this couple's house to finish up the rest, but plans changed on the walk back from the bar. They started bickering (shes kind of a B), and so we kinda split up. Ryan took off (at a run! what a spaz!) to the gas station and I just walked faster than them. He said when he saw me come around the corner alone he knew what was going on. We decided to ditch them, say we were done-de, which we still wanted to party but we didn’t want to be drug down by their negativity and drama. Ryan and I are both are definitely "good vibes" people, we don’t like drama head games or negativity.

Anyways so we walked to our cars (stopping in the street to make out!), drove his back to his place, and ended up sitting in the driveway with the beats up loud enough to wake the neighbors. After we got upstairs we started going at on his living room floor with a movie going and pizza in the oven (here we go burning pizza again! LOL). It was pretty hot I have to admit! He was in a crazy mood and it showed…either that or we are just getting more comfortable with eachother…oh baby! He actually wanted me bad this time I could tell…maybe because I initiated by kissing him first and he noticed and said something!? Normally Im not a lights-on-in-the-middle-of-the-living room-girl, what whatever! I went with it and it was awesome. Ahh cough sex! Reminds me of times with Sean. At one point he had me basically upside down! Like porno-style LOL! It was hot and rough and kinky but at some points intimate too- like him pressing up close to me and having our faces right next to each other- and the kissing and the eye contact :). It was awesome up until the point I was grinding on his lap and he was telling me to go to town and I was all into it and soooo close to extasy and then- he just lost steam! Ahhhh I was mad!! He tried to get rid of my frustration by making me laugh by being gross- what a spaz! But it worked, I cant stay mad at him forever and I really wasn’t that mad Im actually smiling as I write this :). I just needed to O like nobody's business!

Anyways we finally passed out around 4 or 5am and I thought that was that but he must have also been left wanting more cuz he didn’t cum either. So around 8am as the sun started waking us up I rolled over on my side and he came up behind to cuddle with me and pressed himself into me which I admit just does something for me. Without saying a word he started rubbing me and put my hand on him and slipped off my pants. One minute we were sound asleep, the next we were going at it, side style! It was so hot! Normally I hate morning sex, esp. after a long night, but this time I went for it and it was so totally hot! We didn’t talk at all, the only sounds made were the usual sex sounds, and towards the end he was getting kinda verbal which was awesome I was hoping he had that side! And yes- he actually got off this time- big time! It was sweet :) I'm ready for another round!!! Its true what they say- the more sex you have- the more you want. With him, tho, Im just not sure when that’s coming.