Does junior high ever end?

WTF is going on? I despise the junior high games. I hate this up and down! I hate trying to guess what the other person is thinking or feeling. I hate not knowing if they like you or they are about to ditch out on you. Where is still coming from you might ask?....

I hung out with Ryan the other night and I thought we were all cool. But now he's acting kinda weird again. The other night he had this great spontaneous idea to drive to the next town for the night, see his sister, have some dinner, etc. He was all gung-ho about it. Then the next day he totally changed his mind and bailed on the idea. Then, we were in the middle of a phone conversation, suddenly said he would call me back, never did, so I called him and he was sleeping, said he would call me when he woke up but never did. Didn't get ahold of me all day, I finally got ahold of him and asked if he wanted to hang out tonight, he basically blew me off and thought of excuses not to see me. This is all on the tails of him telling me he actually had a good conversation with his baby-momma (whom he is not over BTW), and that they are starting to work things out. Does he mean work things out between them or work out baby arrangements? So I am scared that he will go back to her. I am scared that he still loves her and wants to be with her. I am scared, same way I am with Travis, that I will never live up to the woman who is the children's mother. I am scared he only likes me enough to be with me right now but isnt really that into me. he says he is, he says he really likes my personality alot and that I am funny and cute, but then sometimes he does weird stuff to make me second guess his word. Do actions speak louder than words? or am I reading too much into his actions? I am just so paranoid he will leave me like all the rest and I know that will hurt big time because I really like this one. I can't help but feel sometimes like there is something wrong with me, none of them like me enough to stick around or to want to actually be with me. I am so sick of hearing, "you are so awesome, and I don't want to hurt you, but....". Its like a knife in the heart. I don't think Ryan likes it when girls wont open up to him, he says his ex never did, but what he doesnt understand is that its so difficult to open yourself up again when you've had your heart stomped on so many imes, its so much easier to just be closed off and cold to avoid the pain that comes from someone you have opened up to rejecting you. So maybe I am worrying too much about this but I find it hard not to when I like someone. Its like I told Sean, you cant have both sides of me. You either get the closed-off cold me that is protecting herself from heartache, or you get the real me but you have to let me know that I can trust you with my heart first. And I'm not going to let someone have my heart who isn't ready for it because they arent ready for a relationship.

Hey boys- you cant have your cake and eat it too!!!