FRIENDS

Its been a while since my last post- several developments since then. My valentines weekend was pretty up and down. Saturday I was so depressed and lonely and about to write Ryan off. Sunday hung with him and helped him move stuff into his new place but it was weird because I couldn’t stop thinking about what it is about me that he doesn’t like and that its awkward that I like him but he doesn’t like me back. Friday night was okay, went to visit an old friend and her kids in their newly-aquired house. We had a good girl talk and caught up on recent live stuff. We talked about my career, and my men, and she is trying to set me up on blind dates with 2 different men. God I feel pathetic being set up! But the night was still pretty fun despite her and I talking about all the things that have been bringing me down lately.

So I don't think Ryan and I are going to be kissing friends. I think we are going to be friends only. Just friends. No hanky panky. He was into me at first, and wanted all of that from me, but something suddenly changed and now I get the sense from him he wants to avoid that at all costs. He says he likes my personality and enjoys my company but stresses not wanting a girlfriend right now and "wanting to date other people". I still don't know if he means people other than me or in addition to me- but his attitude indicates the former, unfortunately. Its going to be difficult for me to be just friends with this guy, 1 cuz he is really someone I can see myself with long term, I believe are compatible, 2 because I fear even when he does become ready for a relationship he will have put me into that friends category that you cant go back from, 3 because I am extremely attracted to him, and 4 because knowing he is with other girls will only remind me of how pathetically single I am and how he doesn’t want me in that way. This is going to be REALLY hard on me but I enjoy his friendship enough that the pain might be worth it…maybe IDK!...I could see myself ending up really hurt :(