Do two "half" boyfriends make a whole?

So yesterday's day of clarity and reflection has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I don't what it is! Is it just in the air right now? Is it the impending new year giving me insight I never had before? Is my horoscope true and its really just in the stars for me right now? Or has writing this blog helped me sort out my feelings?...

Sean said something jokingly to me the other day and I now realize its actually a great metaphor for whats going on in my life right now. He was talking about him being kinda my boyfriend and then said, what about Travis, he is kinda your boyfriend too. And I said, hmm, you're right, do two "halfass" boyfriends make one whole one??

It's kinda funny if you think about it but really it goes deeper than that. A little Psych 101 for ya...I think the reason I got into the relationship with Sean is because of what I am lacking in my relationship with Travis. Because he is married, we can't have a physical relationship and we can't hang out like normal couples do. But we do have the emotional part- we are great friends, get along very well, and share things all the time that we don't share with anyone else. Our relationship is very emotional and very intimate- just not in the physical sense. So of course this leaves me feeling incomplete, so I guess I went searching for something to fill that void. And I found it in Sean- or well, he found me :). His is also intensely perceptive, so maybe he picked up on that, that I needed from him the same thing he needed from me, which is the physical. Someone who can be physically with you to try and fill that emotional void. Someone who we can hang out with, have fun together, and be intimate with. He isn't ready for anything beyond that but to at least stave off the lonliness he needs me there. And he is serving the same purpose for me- giving me what Travis can't.

So if you put two and two together- one relationship emotional and one relationship physical- I guess in a fucked up segmented way I am getting all my needs fufilled- it just happens to be my two different men. But really, its not all my needs- in order to feel completely fufilled I need to be in one relationship with one person who can give me everything. I guess have to decide, if having this for now is working for me, and if so, is having two half boyfriends preventing me from finding one whole? Or am I simply too much woman for one man to handle?! LOL :)...