Letter to Ryan

There are so many things I need to get off my chest. Our conversation last night just got me thinking about the whole situation. I hate overthinking things but Ive learned that I get myself into trouble by doing what feels good instead of thinking about what is truly right for me. So, I need to overthink this to make sure I am not being stupid and setting myself up for heartbreak.

You say you don’t want to string me along but I feel strung along. And having sex and spending time with you is not what makes me feel strung along- comments like "I want to be with you but I don’t" is what strings me along. When you say something like that, I don’t know how to process it. On one hand I want to hang onto that glimmer of hope for us to be together, but on the other hand why would I wait around for someone to decide they want to be with me? I don’t want to be with someone who isnt that into me. So if you arent into me, then don’t give the impression that you kinda sorta want to be with me. Set me free.

And you say you arent a user. Well I feel used. I already told you that I don’t want to have sex with you if you are only doing it because you are drunk and horny and have nothing else better going on. I cant be your second best or your fallback. I have told you that this makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap. If you want to keep doing it, then do it because you want to and because you are into me, not because you need a piece. I am tired of being the girl who is only good enough to screw but not good enough to be the girlfriend. You can get laid by any girl. But what I can offer is so much more than that. I can offer support, companionship, loyalty, trust, and affection.

Plus you yourself has admitted that you need to re-think how you approach relationships. A couple weeks ago when we were at the 219 you even said to me that you have formed past relationships based on lust and you realize it got you nowhere except hurt and that you now realize that relationships should be based on connection- which you admit we have. Its very unfortunate that the only piece missing between us is the attraction on your end. Just wait and see. In a few months I will be looking better and by that time I will probably be dating someone else and you will be eating your words. Then you will have missed out on what could have been love because you are too shallow and narrow minded to see the real person I am.