The more sex you have, the more you want!

As a follower of the zodiac, I read my daily horoscope to look for a little insight into the day ahead. Oddly enough, often those horoscopes reflect my true feelings, even if read at the end of the day they tend to match up with reality. My horoscope from this weekend is no different….

Romance is likely to be very much on your mind today, Sara, though not necessarily in a positive way. A lot of doubts and insecurities could be taking over your psyche. Does a current or potential romantic partner share your feelings or not? Direct communication with the one in question could be premature, so it might be best just to try to remain objective and judge the situation accordingly. In the meantime, take it one day at a time.

This reflects my situation with Ryan exactly. I'm trying not to over-analyze mine or his feelings or over-think the situation because it will cause angst and strife that will trickle down into my actions towards him, and he is a perceptive Cancer, so I cannot let that happen again. (Its happened a couple times, I projected my issues onto him and it did NOT go over well). So, now is not the time to play hard ball, it will only drive him away, I just need to take it real slow with him, as his British friend says. But, I have to conciously make that choice and I have to find the balance between not pressuring him and not letting my feelings be ignored.

But, I do worry about the exact thing my horoscope says. Does he like me? Of course I am becoming head-over-heels for him, but I have a lot of insecurities about how he feels about me because I know he isnt sure. At least not sure enough to want to be with me right now. What I'm confused about is whether his ambivalance towards being in a relationship with me is strictly because of me or because of his life right now. I cant help but feel sometimes that if were over the moon for me, he wouldn’t care what his current life situation was, he would want to be with no matter what. But on the other hand, maybe its good we arent jumping into anything right now, I need some time to improve me and he needs some time to get his head straight. I just hope that "time lag" isnt so long that he permantly places me in the "friend" category- a place I'm not sure you can come back from…..or maybe it’s a good foundation of a relationship?? I just don’t know…I don’t know whats going to happen….I don’t know if things will change….i don’t know if I even want things to change….things arent perfect but we are finding our groove and I kinda like the way things are now…I just realize we cannot stay thia way forever….someday my feelings for him will come to a head- I just pray that byu that time he's come around and realized how perfect we are for eachother!!!

I think we are perfect. Our mutual friend said to me, "oh I know, he's the man of your dreams"…and I kinda laughed it off at the time (I do that, I don’t show my true colors when Im trying to hide my feelings), but really its true.He is, aside from the selfishness (that could just be a result of the mode hes in right now), everthing I could ask for. Tall…blonde…attractive…athletic…outgoing….funny…laid back…sweet…affectionate…caring…smart…honest…good head on his shoulders…similar interestes….good heart…and of course we have am amazing connection to me that is the biggest part. We instantly felt comfortable with each other and have been in contact ever sense…its already been 4 months and it has just flown by.

I hadn't seen much of him for a couple weeks, me was in his mode, but this weekend we hung out quite a bit. We did the Cola again, it was fun but not a great batch, but I didn’t care I was craving it anyway. Bounced around to a couple different people's houses, then ended up going downtown, which was okay but I wasn’t really in the social mood, it was kinda overwhelming me. We had plans to get more beer and go back to this couple's house to finish up the rest, but plans changed on the walk back from the bar. They started bickering (shes kind of a B), and so we kinda split up. Ryan took off (at a run! what a spaz!) to the gas station and I just walked faster than them. He said when he saw me come around the corner alone he knew what was going on. We decided to ditch them, say we were done-de, which we still wanted to party but we didn’t want to be drug down by their negativity and drama. Ryan and I are both are definitely "good vibes" people, we don’t like drama head games or negativity.

Anyways so we walked to our cars (stopping in the street to make out!), drove his back to his place, and ended up sitting in the driveway with the beats up loud enough to wake the neighbors. After we got upstairs we started going at on his living room floor with a movie going and pizza in the oven (here we go burning pizza again! LOL). It was pretty hot I have to admit! He was in a crazy mood and it showed…either that or we are just getting more comfortable with eachother…oh baby! He actually wanted me bad this time I could tell…maybe because I initiated by kissing him first and he noticed and said something!? Normally Im not a lights-on-in-the-middle-of-the-living room-girl, what whatever! I went with it and it was awesome. Ahh cough sex! Reminds me of times with Sean. At one point he had me basically upside down! Like porno-style LOL! It was hot and rough and kinky but at some points intimate too- like him pressing up close to me and having our faces right next to each other- and the kissing and the eye contact :). It was awesome up until the point I was grinding on his lap and he was telling me to go to town and I was all into it and soooo close to extasy and then- he just lost steam! Ahhhh I was mad!! He tried to get rid of my frustration by making me laugh by being gross- what a spaz! But it worked, I cant stay mad at him forever and I really wasn’t that mad Im actually smiling as I write this :). I just needed to O like nobody's business!

Anyways we finally passed out around 4 or 5am and I thought that was that but he must have also been left wanting more cuz he didn’t cum either. So around 8am as the sun started waking us up I rolled over on my side and he came up behind to cuddle with me and pressed himself into me which I admit just does something for me. Without saying a word he started rubbing me and put my hand on him and slipped off my pants. One minute we were sound asleep, the next we were going at it, side style! It was so hot! Normally I hate morning sex, esp. after a long night, but this time I went for it and it was so totally hot! We didn’t talk at all, the only sounds made were the usual sex sounds, and towards the end he was getting kinda verbal which was awesome I was hoping he had that side! And yes- he actually got off this time- big time! It was sweet :) I'm ready for another round!!! Its true what they say- the more sex you have- the more you want. With him, tho, Im just not sure when that’s coming.